Roofline Whispering
Softly informing a pigeon that a nearby gazebo better matches its personal brand.
All-natural. Very serious. Probably.
Pigeon removal with herbs, manners, and dramatic hand gestures.
We provide premium parody-grade pigeon redirection for rooftops, balconies, statues, and anywhere a feathered committee has gotten a little too comfortable.
100% cage-free
Seed-neutral tactics
Pigeon-approved exits
Main Mission
This website may be a parody, but our mission is not. Help us send Toronto kids to the aquarium this summer.
The joke gets people in the door. The real point is raising money for a summer aquarium trip.
Put The GoFundMe Front And Center
Swap the placeholder link below for the live fundraiser URL and this section becomes the page’s real call to action.
GoFundMe Link
Replace this placeholder with the live fundraiser URL.
Natural Methods
Dedicated gentle nonsense for every overbooked rooftop.
A supporting section for the bit: three refined methods for convincing pigeons that another address might better suit their journey.
Mint-Forward Negotiation
Fresh herbs, good posture, and the energy of a very patient crossing guard.
Broom Pointer Protocol
A broom used only as a directional instrument. Never as a plot twist.
Pigeon Reviews
Testimonials from satisfied former tenants.
Currently rotating praise
“Five stars. New roof. Better breadcrumbs. Strong relocation energy.”
Gary, former fountain supervisor